Take a Tour of My House.....

Every year, nurses working in emergency departments around the universe morph into an attitude of mixed emotions. Some are happy, some are sad, some are hilarious, but most are just plain tired, crabby and burned out. Don't believe me? Walk around with me for just a few minutes, and you will have your eyes wide shut!

Back in the corner, or the "psych ward" as we like to call it, is a small hallway with six rooms. These rooms are the farthest away from any exit door, and the farthest bunch away from the triage desk. (You have no idea how important that part is!)The lighting is the same as the rest of the department, but somehow it seems darker back there. This is where the drug overdoses, alcohol intoxications, suicides and the majority of the medically stable mental patients are assigned - and that's just the nurses. (Ok, that part may be a stretch.) The nurses who work in the ward are ones who are always there. They like it. I think they thrive on other peoples demise to make their own life seem less dramatic. Regardless, the patients and the nurses both consider themselves regulars. The holidays prove to be the busiest time for the ward. People trying to off themselves every hour of every day, caught just in time to be drug kicking and screaming into our house - who do they think they are? Nurses are inclined to take active control of the situation with efficient ease and absolutely no conscience whatsoever. Everything can be controlled with a little duck tape and a few chemicals.

Moving to the north of the department, we have the "ICU". This is the part of the department nurses loathe. When we come into the beginning of the shift, we cringe while reading the assignment for these three rooms. They are located near the ambulance bay, and typically receive the most critical patients. Unfortunately, non-critical patients that get triaged to an ICU room, typically become critical for no reason at all. It's probably the ignorance of the healthcare worker. It's typical that the stupidest and least experienced nurses get assigned to the most critical rooms. Yeah, they taught that in charge nurse school.

Moving on around the corner, we have the orthopedic rooms. Anyone who wasn't paying attention while playing a contact sport ends up here. So obviously, lack of intelligence has become a theme for patients and staff! You will see there are broken bones, a little blood and lots of pain medication. That's the cool part. If you have ever seen anyone on narcotics for the first time you would understand. It's hilaroius.

Most of the time, at any given time of the day, there will always be a nurse or three and a few techs hovering around the "trough". This is a tiny, tiny room where all of the food is kept. There is a small table and two plastic lawn chairs, a small college sized refrigerator with an equally small microwave on top, and a set of cupboards. Just enough room to fit one whole body of proportioned size. (Which typically menas one half of a whole nurse over forty. They are big.) Hanging on the walls are three large poster boards filled with miscellaneous papers; managements attempts to educate the staff.

Down the hall and the the left you will see the chest pain/stroke rooms. If you are slobbering out of one side of your mouth and have a glazed look in your eye, this is the place to be. Have you ever seen a santa with chest pain? It will crack you up every time. Nurses sittin gon the side of the bed with their Christmas lists. Yeah, we get busy.

And finally, the last four rooms are hte worst. These rooms are equipped with all of the gyecological equipment known to man. You will find the wierdest looking cold metal objects in these rooms, and probably a male doctor or two happily holding their toys, waiting for the next victim. However, if you can imagine diving through a five hundred pound woman who hasn't taken a shower in a few weeks, complaining of a maloderous discharge and abdominal pain, the doctors may not be so happy. That's what nurses are for. We get all of the equipment ready and leave. After all, the doc is the one who is paid the big bucks, right? If they get to play with the pretty ones, they have to play with not so pretty ones as well.

So there you have it! A tour of my house. Come in a play some time. Just make sure you have a true emergency. Something like a limb torn off or an artery cut. Otherwise we are likely to kick you right back out.






Happy New Year!